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Medium Dawn Felagund of the Fountain

On Regrets and the Lack of Regrets

The (Cyber) Bag of Weasels

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"About as much fun as a bag of weasels"...when I first saw this Irish adage, it made me think of the life of a writer: sometimes perilous, sometimes painful, certainly interesting. My paper journal has always been called "The Bag of Weasels." This is the Bag of Weasels' online home.

On Regrets and the Lack of Regrets

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out of the light star
In the past few days, my post on the incident with Lady Roisin has generated close to 200 comments. In the course of this, I have had the chance to hear from and talk to many people that I never spoke to about Roisin before this point, although in some cases, I knew of their involvement. I am ashamed to say that, in a few of those cases, I had formed judgment of their involvement, despite never asking to hear their side of the story.

I do not regret having supported Roisin. I believed her to be sick, even when I knew there was something wrong with her story. I couldn't prove anything, though; as soon as I could, as the above post attests, I came forward. Until then, I did what I thought I had to do, which was support a young woman in her final months of life. That is not to say that this was the only correct approach. Others stopped or never initiated contact with her, for a variety of reasons no less worthy than my own.

I do regret that, by my association with her and my leadership of the SWG and as a mod on MPTT, she was legitimized in the eyes of some people while others felt unwelcome in those places. I cannot say more emphatically that this was never my intent. The SWG has always been open to anyone who agrees to play by our rules, no matter what I or others think of them. MPTT is the same, and members of both groups should expect equal respect from me and my comods as anyone, and if I ever err in that, I hope someone brings it to my attention. Although Roisin was as welcome as anyone (in fact, my final email to Hope reminded her that, although I wanted nothing more to do with her personally, she was welcome to stay on the SWG if she wished, so long as she followed our rules; she took her toys and went home, and I can't exactly say I'm disappointed by that), neither her participation on the SWG nor my "friendship" with her was ever meant to be an endorsement of her view of events over anyone else's. I don't know if she actively cultivated that impression or not, but it certainly exists, and I regret that.

I also regret that, despite knowing that there were things wrong with her story, I still allowed her view of events to color my judgment of people and happenings in this community. I have spoken to many of you privately to apologize, but I don't yet know the extent of harm caused by this. I deeply regret and apologize for any hurt that I have caused, inadvertent or not. My policy going forward is to treat everyone in this community like Roisin never existed. If I liked you before Roisin poisoned my impressions, I have no less regard now; in many cases, I have more regard, as many of you have shown extraordinary patience and restraint in making sure your side of the story was heard. I appreciate that kindness.

I am closing comments on this post, which I've never done before. I do not want this to turn into an exercise in validation, as people rush to assure me that I've done nothing wrong. While I've appreciated the support of friends, this is not about making me feel better. In the aftermath, I was hurt the least of many people involved. So if you feel the need to say or do something after reading this post, my suggestion is this: go forth and read a story by someone you haven't talked to in a while or maybe never talked to. Write a review. Or send a PM or email to someone you've fallen out of touch with. Before Hope came along, this was a lovely community, and we can make it that way again, starting now.

This post was originally posted on Dreamwidth and, using my Felagundish Elf magic, crossposted to LiveJournal. You can comment here or there!

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