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Medium Dawn Felagund of the Fountain

Dirty Joke

The (Cyber) Bag of Weasels

bread and puppet

"About as much fun as a bag of weasels"...when I first saw this Irish adage, it made me think of the life of a writer: sometimes perilous, sometimes painful, certainly interesting. My paper journal has always been called "The Bag of Weasels." This is the Bag of Weasels' online home.

Dirty Joke

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While I'm posting pictures, what the hey.

The famblies came up on Sunday for steamed crabs. And we played a wee joke on them.

Every week, Bobby buys an extra dozen ears of sweet corn, cooks it, takes an ear or two for himself (weirdo that I am, I don't tend to like sweet foods very much, including sweet corn--considering that I also don't eat steamed crabs for reason being a vegetarian, I'm surprised that I have not been banished from the state yet), and de-kernelizes the rest for freezing so that we can have it during the winter. This generates a big ol' pile of corncobs that get carried out to compost every week. One day, as Bobby was de-kernelizing the corn and building his pile of corncobs, I walked past and said, "Oh, good--you've replenished the toilet paper!" Which made us giggle because one can never be too old to appreciate the notion of using old corncobs as toilet paper.

Well, one thing led to another, and in the shared stew that is the collective Felagund Family brain, we thought that, hey, one day we should invite a whole bunch of people over and pile up some corncobs on the back of the toilet as a joke! We decided on our families because they are 1) most likely to get it and 2) most likely to fall for it.

Because, in truth, I feel sorry for our families sometimes. It can't always be fun to share the gene pool with a pair of eco-nuts, and they take our idiosyncrasies in good humor (like the chickens in the basement). It seems that every time we see them, one or both of us isn't eating this anymore or isn't doing that anymore. Trash disposal is a source of anxiety. I see people standing at our counter, trying to decide if this goes in recycling, compost, or trash, knowing that if they choose wrongly, one of us will in short order be picking through the trash to right the mistake. They've stopped bringing paper plates, and they know that they have to bring their own sodas. They take everything in stride, and we appreciate that.

So we decided to try out the corncob trick on them to see what would happen. While prepping the bathroom for company on Sunday (which involves putting away the jewelry, underwear, and hairbrushes that end up scattered across the counter when we are left to our own devices), I set up our hoax.


I even put up the toilet paper currently on the roll to give the impression that we had broken our a fresh, new roll just for them. (I thought about putting out no toilet paper at all but worried that I might strand someone on the toilet or, worse, cause someone to actually use one of the corncobs.)

However, I made sure to have one ready for use, for the stouthearted!


The evening wore on and no one said anything, despite the fact that several people went into and used the bathroom. I nudged Bobby after a few hours and remarked on this. Okay, we're either so far gone that our families think nothing odd about the fact that we appear to be using corncobs for toilet paper, or they are very, very oblivious. Finally, Mom-Mom came out of the bathroom around desert time. Bobby and I must have been staring at her pie-eyed with expectation because she said, "Dawn, let me ask you something--why do you have a bowl of corncobs on the back of the toilet?"

To which Bobby and I tried to reply with a straight face, "Oh, we use them as toilet paper--do you know how bad toilet paper is for the environment??" and to which the rest of the family chimed in that they'd been wondering the same thing and were afraid to ask! My father-in-law said that he was going to stop on the way home and buy us a pack of toilet paper because he thought that we'd run out and started using corncobs!

Those who hadn't been into the bathroom, of course, had to go and check out the setup. The corncob bathroom proved quite the hit!

Of course, I joke about this ... Bobby and I do use toilet paper, but as part of No Impact Man's quest to have zero negative impact on the environment for one year, his family did give up toilet paper. The documentary about the project doesn't go into much detail about what they used instead or if de-kernelizing sweet corn was an essential part of their weekly routine ...

Next joke: humanure.
  • ^_^

    Youse guys are too silly! *Loves*
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            • Wow--my knowledge of bidets just tripled in the last 30 seconds! :D I've never even seen one. (The difference between we East Coasters and you West Coasters, I guess. ;) My former boss once had one in a hotel room; he didn't dare try it but turned it on full blast to see how it worked and soaked the ceiling!
    • Oh, Lord of Caves, you just made me think of the recent SNL skit with Kirsten Whig and (the-actor-whose-name-I-can't-remember-from-The-Hangover) where they were renting a high-class hotel room solely for the bidet! At one point, Kirsten Whig asked, "And if we have the unexpected overnight guest, would we be able to get a rollaway bidet?"

      At the risk of TMI, Bobby and I follow the old song where toilet flushing is concerned: "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down." :D Which disappoints Lance, who likes to drink out of the toilet.

      Edited at 2010-07-30 12:52 pm (UTC)
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        • I love Kirsten Wiig (and the guy whose name I can't remember is pretty cool too). Her inflection on "rollaway bidet" ... priceless! :D Bobby and I have so many private jokes that originated as Kirsten Wiig skits.

          We're lucky that our toilet water is just plain ol' water, same as comes out of the tap, so the dogs can drink it if they want. The pee trick has mostly deterred Lance. Alex, if he wanted to drink out of the toilet? I'm not so sure. We had a problem, when he was younger, with him standing beside the toilet and trying to catch urine as men peed! o.O Dogs are so gross! :D
  • I was staring at the first picture and giggling, and then got a serious guffaw when I noticed the "roll in use" on the wall. Hee! :D
  • LOL. Fun joke! Your family is awesome, btw!
    • Yes, they are! It takes a sense of humor to put up with Bobby and me sometimes. ;) We always have a much better time than any self-respecting young adults should have hanging out with their parents! ;)
  • That is hysterical. I think it's even better that they thought you were serious.
    • And your icon ... well, "cracks me up"! :D

      I think it's even better that they thought you were serious.

      That was the best part! And completely unexpected!
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    • :D If I didn't generally think that cheap plastic crap was a bad idea, I might be trying to get one made as a gag gift!
  • My father-in-law said that he was going to stop on the way home and buy us a pack of toilet paper because he thought that we'd run out and started using corncobs!

    lmao! That moment would have been hilarous too when he returns with it, or would he have left it quietly at the porch to drive home without a word?
    • OME--that would have been too funny to find a package of toilet paper on the front steps! Ironically, my inlaws actually did buy for us the toilet paper that we are currently using. They apparently got a good deal on a really big package of it, so they bought one for us and one for my sister-in-law.
  • Oh, that is hysterical!
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