The Weird Things That People Put on Their Cars
My Family Is Covered in the Blood of Jesus
Does this sound utterly horrifying to anyone else but me? Like this guy's family was part of the murder of Jesus and now stand around covered in his blood? I mean, it's not something like "washed in the blood of Jesus" but "covered," which--to me--is evocative of new stories about a grisly crime: "The murder weapon was found covered in blood.."
I am something of a connoisseur where bumperstickers are concerned, I'll admit. I read people's bumperstickers while riding in the car or walking through parking lots; I'll go out of my way to drive behind someone who has a lot of bumperstickers or one that looks interesting but is not easily read from afar.
Probably the weirdest wasn't a sticker but was painted directly onto the back of a dumptruck:
Dumpin With The Lord
Well, I'm sure the Lord is just thrilled that this guy is out dumpin with him. Bobby and I saw this one years ago and laugh about it still to this day. One time, one of us mentioned it to the other in earshot of his (Catholic) grandmother, and she got really upset, thinking that we were making a mockery of "the Lord." Ai.
The award for the funniest combination of bumper-art was the guy who had a giant decal of Jesus taking up the entire back window of his SUV. The only other adornment on his vehicle, directly below Jesus's sweet, tormented face:
My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student
This was interesting to me. I'm not a Christian so I'm always learning new things about Christianity, like the fact that it's possible to like Jesus and also support the beating up of socially inept geeks simply because a few of their brain cells talk to each other. Wow! Somehow, I always had trouble picturing Jesus making a proclamation that would lend any such idea, but what do I know?
Of course, I can't let myself off so easily. The bumper-art on the back of my car is intentionally ironic because it never hurts to poke fun at oneself so long as one does not poke hard or in the eye. I have two bumperstickers:
I Brake For Elves
Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons, for You are Crunchy and Good with Ketchup
Immediately beneath those, I have a Reality Bites fish. If one in one hundred people gets the humor, my work here is done.