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Medium Dawn Felagund of the Fountain

18 Years Yesterday ...

The (Cyber) Bag of Weasels

bread and puppet




"About as much fun as a bag of weasels"...when I first saw this Irish adage, it made me think of the life of a writer: sometimes perilous, sometimes painful, certainly interesting. My paper journal has always been called "The Bag of Weasels." This is the Bag of Weasels' online home.

18 Years Yesterday ...

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sally and jack
As of yesterday, Bobby and I have been together for 18 years.

I have told the story before of how we got together at the ages of 14 (me) and just-barely-15 (him) at a dance at our nerdy math-science magnet school, so I won't repeat it now. Suffice to say that we have been together for well over half of our lives by now with no plans on changing that anytime soon. I am still as crazy about that man as I was the day in ninth grade that my best friend typed on my graphing calculator, "You are in love with Bobby," and I realized that I was (in teenage terms anyway!) indeed in love with Bobby.

I'm going to beg preemptive pardon for the cheesy sentimentality that follows ... I connect with Bobby as I never have with another human. He is both my best friend and the partner I've chosen to make my life with. I never thought I'd want to marry anyone. (I never thought anyone would want to marry me!) I test as 100% introvert, and since I work a job that requires me to be "on" socially for at least a few hours a day (my students don't let me off easily on that either!), then I need a break from people more often than not, and Bobby is the only person who doesn't count in that. I often tell him that he is just as good as being alone, which sounds awful, unless you know what it's like to live in an extremely introverted brain, and then you understand that it's actually the highest compliment I could pay. We are at the point where we often joke that there is a shared brain that floats between us because one of us will think something and the other will say it, or we will speak in unison. He has seen me at my worst and still manages to love me.

Our anniversary was pretty low-key but good all the same. We went to the farmer's market in the morning and for lunch at a local cafe, then had a bunch of errands to run that mostly involved procuring food for various animals. We went to the gym and to pick up our friend's dog, who we were watching yesterday. We both had chores to do in the afternoon, but we had a date that night: We went to a local Asian restaurant that serves great Malaysian food, then to the movies to see Maleficent (don't laugh! we both enjoyed it!), and then for ice cream at that Carroll County standard, Hoffman's. We went home and were supposed to have a firepit, but the wood was still damp from the rains earlier in the week, so the firepit was hella lame! Putting a votive candle in the firepit would have given an equivalent amount of light and warmth! But it was okay because, after our busy day, we were both yawning by then and went to bed pretty early. Bobby also wrote me a beautiful alliterative poem, which he read for me. It was a good day.

I have been meaning for a while to scan in some old photos from high school. Our anniversary was a good excuse to finally do that!

 photo kings-dominion-96_zps91fed502.jpg

June 1996. Our very first picture together, taken in a photo booth at King's Dominion theme park in Virginia. This was one week after that fateful dance when we started "going out." Remember photo booths? Not those newfangled things but the old-school ones that would spit out three low-quality Polaroid-type photos? ("Low-quality" like they put a big white blotch on the face of one of the people?) In this pre-cell-phone-photo era (well before "selfie" became common parlance), having a photo-booth picture of yourself with your crush? OMG, that was major!



 photo homecoming-96_zps817058a0.jpg

October 1996. Our first formal dance together, Homecoming. We were both fifteen and in the tenth grade. This dance was such a huge deal to me at the time. I remember my cousin coming over to do my hair and makeup, as I was then inept at those things, and my mom staging this grand entrance for me coming down the steps once Bobby and his family arrived.



 photo homecoming1996.png

This was taken at that Homecoming dance.



 photo senior-picnic-99_zps77e187fd.jpg

May 1999. Our friend Marlies from high school posted this picture in a comment on Bobby's Facebook post yesterday about our anniversary. This was our senior picnic. I remember that we had the AP Biology exam that morning and then went to the picnic out on the soccer fields.



 photo prom-99_zpsf5f4adb4.jpg

May 1999. Our senior prom photo. My clearest memory from senior prom involved getting in trouble with the limo driver--15 of us chipped in on a limo together--for climbing out of the sunroof on the Baltimore Beltway. I don't know how I didn't mess up that hairdo; the stylist must have used a ton of hairspray. Ah, youth.





November 2004. Our wedding picture, taken in our first apartment in Ellicott City. We were married at the county courthouse and a whole 12 people were in attendance. (I can never remember what year we were married in but, omg, we're coming up on ten years this November! Eeek!)



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2006. At the Maryland Renaissance Festival. I just went though hundreds of pictures from the same year from when we went to Puerto Rico, and we had none of us together. I think that was the trip that inspired me to insist that we start trying to include ourselves more in our trip photos! So Ren Fest it is.



 photo Raby--DawnandBobby3.jpg

September 2008. Our first visit to my sister and sister-in-law in England! Obviously, I didn't learn much (maybe a little something) from Puerto Rico, because this is the only picture of us together on that trip. This was taken at Raby Castle.



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July 2009. Have just successfully poured two pints o' plain at the Guinness factory tour in Dublin, Ireland.



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August 2010. Raising the sails on the Alliance of Yorktown.



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March 2012. Back in England, on Holy Island!



 photo New-Year-2013_zpsc3e4604d.jpg

December 2013. Back in England again! Fucked up on New Year's Eve.



 photo Prom2013169_zpscf9b3b8c.jpg

May 2014. The most recent picture I have of us together. Chaperoning our school's senior prom.



This post was originally posted on Dreamwidth and, using my Felagundish Elf magic, crossposted to LiveJournal. You can comment here or there!

http://dawn-felagund.dreamwidth.org/340267.html
  • OMG! Y'all are so totally adorable together! Congratulations on the 18/10 thing.

    The DH and I are coming up on 38 this year! I hope y'all continue to be happy together like we are!
    • Thank you! :) 38 is awesome! I look forward to being there (but it can take its time in coming ... :D)
  • Congratulations!
    It's a long period. I'm introvert too and I know how important to find non-irritating man. Really glad for you!
    • Thank you! :) It doesn't feel like 18 years ... but then it does because it's hard to remember not being together.
  • What adorable pictures. You are just as cute together in real life as you are on film! I adore you two! I love that "first formal dance" picture. You have no idea how smooth you look for fifteen-year-olds! Happy anniversary! And best wishes for many, many more.
    • Thank you so much. :)

      Looking back at these old pictures was a little sad for me because, at the time, I was convinced I was so ugly and undesirable. I couldn't imagine why Bobby--who ran with a cooler crowd than I did (by magnet school standards!)--would ever be interested in me. I look back and realize I was really cute! And apparently smooth too ... which I never would have thought back then. ;)
  • I often tell him that he is just as good as being alone, which sounds awful, unless you know what it's like to live in an extremely introverted brain, and then you understand that it's actually the highest compliment I could pay.

    This is the best! Yes, I know exactly what you mean.

    I always had to be 'on' with my previous b/f's. With Kev I don't; I couldn't live with any-one if I wasn't able to be off. It would leads to my implosion - or explosion. That too.

    Those are lovely pictures. You look wonderful together, and are such a lovely, and personable couple! :)
    • Thank you! :)

      The funny thing is that Bobby is an extrovert. (Not as completely as I am an introvert, but an extrovert all the same.) Yet he gets me and the way that I am. (When his grandmother was staying with us once, he sent me to our room to do some writing because he knew how thoroughly she was annoying me! :D) He's the only person I've ever lived with (aside from my family as a kid), but I can't imagine living with an extrovert who was like, "Wow, you had a hard day at work today. Let's go to the bar! Let's invite a bunch of people over for dinner!" D^:
      • When his grandmother was staying with us once, he sent me to our room to do some writing because he knew how thoroughly she was annoying me! :D

        Aww, bless him!

        I can't imagine living with an extrovert who was like, "Wow, you had a hard day at work today. Let's go to the bar! Let's invite a bunch of people over for dinner!" D^:

        My ex's were like that, and I had also just finished work, and got steadily more exhausted, until travelling home, and knowing I was going out for another four-odd hours, I was almost weeping. Stupid! I was young, though. I would never do it again. I love the kind of understanding and silence that does not require words. But equally, you can just talk about something knowing they'll pick it up and 'get' it.
        • I had also just finished work, and got steadily more exhausted, until travelling home, and knowing I was going out for another four-odd hours, I was almost weeping.

          Ugh, that sounds awful!

          But equally, you can just talk about something knowing they'll pick it up and 'get' it.

          Yes, Bobby and I have our own language by now! Sometimes just one word, abbreviation, or gesture will communicate something that's evolved over years! :D
          • Yes, Bobby and I have our own language by now! Sometimes just one word, abbreviation, or gesture will communicate something that's evolved over years! :D

            Yes! It was like that in my family, too, as we were all close, and when you get that with a partner, it's wonderful :)

            Ugh, that sounds awful!

            It was, but I was young and thought they were the loves of my life, and that I would lose them if I didn't trail around with them. But I was so mentally exhausted. I would get up at 6 for work, and by the time I got to bed it would be about midnight or past, and that's too little sleep for me. Bu it was also about being 'switched on' all day, all evening. It was bad enough to do it all da at work. When I was single, I would get home, have a bath or shower, put on my house-coat, and write, and that was my idea of a good evening.

            At the end, I would give Graham (my last ex) some money and say, 'You go out, I'm too tired.' I also got steadily more frustrated that I wasn't writing. Now, if Kev calls something to me upstairs and I call back 'Writing!' he knows not to bother me, (unless it's really urgent, of course).
  • Aww! Happy anniversary. =D

    I often tell him that he is just as good as being alone, which sounds awful, unless you know what it's like to live in an extremely introverted brain, and then you understand that it's actually the highest compliment I could pay.

    OMG yes! That is amazing. I've never found anyone I'm as comfortable with as I am with just me, myself, and I.
    • Thank you! :)

      I am usually hyper-cognizant of being around other people. And I definitely put up a facade, a very sarcastic sort of swagger that is likely defensive due to finding social relationships, for so long, something one needed to be defensive during! But with Bobby, I will often forget I'm not alone.
  • Aww, all he wants is you hon and to love you is to accept you just as you are, introvert or not :) Just gorgeous as always. And contgrats, we're heading for 20 years together...
    • I don't think introverts are necessarily difficult or undesirable, but he is much easier-going than I am! :D Which has not so much to do with introversion, per se, so much as being descended from a long line of stubborn people!

      Thank you ... and wow! The big 2-0. :) We'll be there to, before you know it ...
  • That's seriously adorable, story and pictures both. :) Wishing you many more happy years together.
    • Thank you so much! I still think about it sometimes and get butterflies that I married Bobby, who always seemed so out-of-reach to me. Whoddathunk? :D
  • Congratulations!
  • Congratulations! :)
  • Congrats to both of you. It's a real milestone and just the beginning for you. DH and I are coming on 35 this fall (watch me run far, far away - LOL).

    Bobby was so skinny when he was in high school. He grew up nice - very nice, and as I said before, I really love his new hairstyle. The two of you are just perfect for each other. Here's my wishes for many. many more anniversaries for the two of you.

    - Erulisse (one L)
    • Thank you--and congrats to you too on your own upcoming milestone! :) (Eighteen isn't exactly a milestone, although I was joking that our relationship can now join the army, buy cigarettes [no alcohol yet, though], get scammed by a credit card company, get soaked for a loan, and ... get married! :D)

      He had a very boyish face in high school. He was still one of the biggest kids in our class. He was over six feet and already shaving daily when I met him in the ninth grade! People were intimidated by him because of his size. (He definitely threatened a person or two on my behalf ... *ahem*) He often got confused for a senior when we were freshmen.
  • I spotted Bobby's post on FB and managed to navigate away from the page before I could "yell"...HUZZAH! So, I will do it here.

    Part of what distracted me was my search for Kurt Vonnegut's concept of duprass from his created religion in Cat's Cradle:

    duprass – a karass[1] that consists of only two people. This is one of the few kinds of karass about which one can have any reliable knowledge. The two members of a duprass live lives that revolve around each other, and are therefore often married. "A true duprass can't be invaded, not even by children born of such a union." The novel cites the example of "Horlick Minton, the New American Ambassador to the Republic of San Lorenzo, and his wife, Claire." The two members of a duprass always die within a week of each other.

    [1]karass – A group of people linked in a cosmically significant manner, even when superficial links are not evident.


    I would say that you and Bobby fit the bill for a duprass, and yet...not quite. You two are so connected, so well-fitted and complementary to one another, and yes, based on my observations, you orbit one another. And yet...

    You each reach out to others, and you each have distinction, individuality, and independence.

    If Mr. Vonnegut were still alive, he'd have to come up with a unique identifier for you two.

    Congratulations! :^)



    • Thank you! :D I love the idea of the duprass, and all of that is certainly true. Bobby and I have never had a song (a high school tradition that I am thankful that we skipped, coming from the generation that swooned to the Titanic theme!), but we do have a poem, by my favorite poet Walt Whitman:

      We two—how long we were fool’d!
      Now transmuted, we swiftly escape, as Nature escapes;
      We are Nature—long have we been absent, but now we return;
      We become plants, leaves, foliage, roots, bark;
      We are bedded in the ground—we are rocks;
      We are oaks—we grow in the openings side by side;
      We browse—we are two among the wild herds, spontaneous as any;
      We are two fishes swimming in the sea together;
      We are what the locust blossoms are—we drop scent around the lanes, mornings and evenings;
      We are also the coarse smut of beasts, vegetables, minerals;
      We are two predatory hawks—we soar above, and look down;
      We are two resplendent suns—we it is who balance ourselves, orbic and stellar—we are as two comets;
      We prowl fang’d and four-footed in the woods—we spring on prey;
      We are two clouds, forenoons and afternoons, driving overhead;
      We are seas mingling—we are two of those cheerful waves, rolling over each other, and interwetting each other;
      We are what the atmosphere is, transparent, receptive, pervious, impervious:
      We are snow, rain, cold, darkness—we are each product and influence of the globe;
      We have circled and circled till we have arrived home again—we two have;
      We have voided all but freedom, and all but our own joy.


      I am in the process (for *mumblemumble* years now) of doing an illumination of this poem. Everything is basically done except the faces on the two figures that close the circles; Tristan needs to help me with that, and I haven't carved out the time for that. But I digress ...

      You each reach out to others, and you each have distinction, individuality, and independence.

      Yes. I earned coolness points from my former colleagues on the warrant team because I "allowed" Bobby to have his own friends and participate in his own activities. (At the same time, I froze my ass off at quite a few ice rinks ... :D) We try to become conversant enough in the other's interests to be supportive and a productive other half in a conversation, but he accepts that I'm likely never going to take up snowboarding, and even though I've tried, he's never going to agree to learn web design. I like to hope that neither of us subsumes the other.
  • You make a wonderful team!
    And that photo booth photo is so cute! You look so happy!
  • Congratulations! I love all those pictures of you; you both look wonderful.

    (And I hear you on the introvert thing-- I also test at 100%.)
  • Happy anniversary!

    I'll have to tell my husband about the 'he is just as good as being alone" comment, because he'll crack up and say you sound just like me. :P
  • Congratulations!
    Such cute photos!Bobby ages wonderfully and you haven't changed a bit.
    Just to be in-between you and Dreamflower, this year we've been married for 28 years \0/ where was I all that time? ;)
    I so understand what you mean by being social and outgoing in front of the students and then needing to relax and just be with myself ! (and a couple of elves maybe...)
  • Congratulations! You both look so happy all through the years... The opicture collection is great. I love your first photobooth snap, blotch or not. You look so mischievous there. And the "fucked up in England" one, of course. LOL.
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